so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
