Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
