Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize