just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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