My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
