I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
