lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
