My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
