So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
