we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
