shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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