return my video game
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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