Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
