Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize