Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
