theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
