so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
