somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
