shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
wanna go halves on a baby?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
