where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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