We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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