Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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