So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
