the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
