You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
