no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
