Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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