tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I could fuck to npr.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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