On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
