dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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