DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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