Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
