sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
