Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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