One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
