ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
