I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
