Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
