I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
