Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
