Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
