i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize