You made me cry and you don't even care
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you had me at cake vodka
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
