I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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