Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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