i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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