I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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