I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize