My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
