Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
only if we run a train.
done.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
