dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
