I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
