ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
