I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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