I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
420 ftw
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
