why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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