Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
