I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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