there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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