I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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