I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
