You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
