Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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