And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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