from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
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Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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