Sponge bath it is.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
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We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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