i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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