god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
