dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
